Subject: Fred's 1996 letter to Matt about Dad... Date: Thu, 19 May 2005 14:39:22 -0400 From: Fred Stluka Organization: Bristle Software, Inc. To: Neviska Family , "Neviska, Sami" , "Spicer, Larry and Chris" , "Spicer, Loretta" , "Stluka, Jerry" , "Stluka, Rosalie" , "Stluka, Carol" , "Stluka, Chris" , "Stluka, Monica" , "Brophy, Dave" , "Brophy, Mary Lou" , "Brophy, Matt" , "Brophy, Tom III" , "Brophy, Tom IV" , "Stluka, Frank" , Family, Here is an electronic copy of something you may already have seen. I wrote this in 1996 when Matt asked me for input for his "Family Ties" school project about Grampy (Gene). It was included in the big 3-ring binder you may have seen at the funeral home or at the house. In case you wanted a copy to keep... --Fred -------------------------------------------------------------------------- Fred Stluka -- mailto:fred@bristle.com -- http://bristle.com/~fred/ Bristle Software, Inc -- http://bristle.com -- "Glad to be of service!" -------------------------------------------------------------------------- Frederick P. Stluka 1011 W. King Rd Malvern PA 19355 November 16, 1996 Matt Brophy 215 Biddle Dr. Exton PA 19341 Dear Matt, As requested, here are some of the things I remember about my Dad (Gene Stluka) as I was growing up. Dad always made lots of time for us kids. He graduated college after 7 years, while working 2 jobs, including running a car repair business of his own, and his fourth child (Uncle Tom) was his graduation present. He must have lived those first few years on less than 4 hours of sleep per night, but I was never very aware of this. To me, Dad was the one who came home promptly at 6:15 pm for dinner with the family, took a little time to talk to us about our day or help with our homework, disciplined us if necessary, and tucked us into bed. On the weekends, he took us for long drives in the car, or to a drive-in movie, or tossed a baseball with us in the back yard. It was only years later, as I grew up, that I discovered that Dad often went back out (to his 2nd job) after I went to bed, that the reason we went on long drives and to drive-in movies or just stayed home was because we couldn't afford to do anything else for entertainment with the (eventually) 8 children, and that maybe, just maybe, there was another reason that we had bean soup for dinner 4 times a week, other than the fact that "Dad loved it so much". Sometimes, he worked on really impressive projects, like digging a 6 foot trench along the entire side of the house and pouring a concrete wall along side of the existing foundation to waterproof the basement, or building a workshop in the basement, cutting all of the studs and plywood on his new radial arm saw to build the walls that divided that part of the basement from the rest of the basement where we played pingpong. I always got to help Dad on these projects. I climbed down into the trench with him to help dig even though I couldn't lift the dirt high enough to get it out of the hole. He made it easier for me by digging a set of steps so I could climb in and out. I tried pushing the wheelbarrow full of dirt and only occasionally let it spill over sideways. I listened attentively as Dad lectured me on power tool safety before he ever let me touch the radial arm saw. Looking back now, I wonder how much faster Dad might have finished these tasks without my "help". When we moved to Ohio, we missed the cutoff date to sign up for Little League, so Dad volunteered as a coach and we formed one more team. The "Falcons" were a great team! It was made up of all the guys who missed the cutoff. For the most part, we didn't have a clue, or an ounce of talent between us (though the pitcher was not bad). We never won a game, but we had enough fun that we stayed together as a team for another winless season the next year. I got a hit once, but it was a foul ball. Dad was a "tough guy". He'd been a Marine (and was probably still in the reserves for several years when I was young, though I don't remember being aware of it), and was very strong. He could lift anything, carry anything, and do anything that he set his mind to. Unfortunately, he tried to play towtruck once, and hurt his back pulling the car out of the garage because it was too much trouble to get in and start the car. Turned out that he'd had a malformed back all of his life, and it had just kind of popped under the strain. For years, he had to be careful of his back, and Mom was always reminding him to be careful of how he lifted things. He must have hated this, but he responded by designating me as his assistant, and I always got to carry his toolbox and stuff, which I loved. After a couple years in Ohio, Dad and Mom took some real estate courses, and decided that was a good way to make some money, so Dad bought a small 4-unit apartment building. (Where he got the money I have no idea, but Dad has always been a great talker, so I suppose he set up some sort of a deal with the previous owner.) He used to take me there sometimes on weekends to work on minor plumbing or wiring problems. I learned a lot from him over the years about tools and home repairs. I have since taught most of this to Aunt Brita which helps her a lot in her projects around our house. When I was a teenager, I started to notice how much effort Mom and Dad put into being good parents. They always seemed to do the thing they thought was right, never the one that would have been easier for them. For example, each of the 8 children had a specific bedtime that was enforced, and each had a specific curfew on weekdays and weekends. As we got older and the curfews got later, more and more of the children arived home after Mom and Dad were asleep. Still, the rule was that we each had to go to their bedroom, knock on the door, and let them know we were home. How did they ever get any sleep? Also, whenever I fought with Uncle Tom (which was pretty much every day of my life!), Dad would sit us down and make us "think about what we had done", help us to analyze what we had done wrong, what we should have done differently and when, etc., and apologize to each other. Wouldn't it have been much easier to give us each a swat, and leave it at that? I hated these long boring sessions at the time, but today I really appreciate the value of them, and go through the same exercise with Aunt Brita when we have a fight (which she used to hate, but has also come to appreciate enough that she often initiates the discussion). Another thing I learned from Dad was to take charge of my own life. He started at General Electric as an entry-level mechanical engineer with a degree from Ohio State, was promoted to a group leader position within 6 months, and subsequently put on the official list of rising stars who were being primed for high level executive positions. However, they wanted to promote him to higher-level, less engineering-oriented positions faster than he wanted, so he occasionally turned down a promotion to keep in touch with the interesting work. Still, he got suckered once. GE wanted him to move from Ohio to Pennsylvania to manage a large project at the Valley Forge plant. When he wasn't interested, they offered him a very appealing engineering assignment investigating alternative means of producing energy (windmills, solar power, tidal forces, etc.) that just "coincidentally" happened to be in Valley Forge. He took this assignment, but shortly thereafter found himself managing a group of over 600 people on a different project at Valley Forge. He stayed for a few more years, but eventually left GE, after 19 years, to become the vice-president of a small truck manufacturing company where he got to design a new aluminum truck body. I got to see some evidence of Dad's dissatisfaction with management positions over the years, so I was always very leery of being promoted too quickly. Dad had always taught me that I could do anything I wanted to do, if I just set my mind to it, so I decided I wanted to always enjoy my job. I got to be very good at finding people who wanted to move into management, and encouraging them to volunteer for positions that I was about to be forced into. Then I would serve as the "technical lead" of the project, designing the software, and making all of the technical decisions, while they attended meetings, wrote project plans, etc. (and probably made more money than I did, but I didn't care). After working at 3 companies for almost 5 years each, I had enough breadth and depth of technical experience to strike out on my own as a one-man consulting company. Now nobody asks me to manage large projects, write detailed project plans, or attend a lot of meetings, but they are very anxious to have me work with their programmers, setting the technical direction. After 15 years, I still love my work so much that it amazes me that people are actually willing to pay me to do it, but these days they pay me much better, I suspect, than most of those managers I worked with over the years. Mom and Dad were both very involved in their religion as I grew up. We went to church every Sunday. Mom and Dad also volunteered on various committees, and always made generous donations to the church. For several years, they were very involved with a group called Marriage Encounter that really pushed the idea of open and honest communication in a marriage. Mom and Dad used to take a half hour or so each day to do their one-on-one "dialogue" to discuss issues in the family and in their marriage. Seemed like a good idea. They've always been very happy together. All of this has had a very strong effect on me. I set up a budget for donations to the church as a percentage of my income when I was about 14, and have stuck with it ever since. When Aunt Brita and I got engaged, we went on a version of a Marriage Encounter weekend for engaged couples, and for 12 years now we have been happily married, growing closer and closer, with open and honest communication at all times. My dad has been the single most influential person in my life and it is fun to reflect back on all of the good times we've had together. Thanks for asking! Frederick P. Stluka